Alright, first of all, I'm not a chef. I really have no interest in hearing some French asshole with a little hat tell me how awesome he is or to listen to his bossy-liberal bullshit. I have never gone to culinary arts school or have even taken a cooking class. I just like doing it and get a thrill from the attention I get when I whip something special together…..especially from the ladies.

I am a business-owner/investor and don't really know a lot about the science of cooking. I graduated from Northern Arizona University in 1997 with a bachelor's degree in Business. I am married (sorry ladies) to a beautiful blonde bomb-shell who latched on to me in high school and hasn't been able to take her eyes off me ever since. I also have a sous-chef/protégé/son named Cameron who gets me fresh beers while I'm cooking and helps do the "heavy-lifting". I grew up in a family who always cooked, but never made a huge production or were extremely passionate (I said passionate) about cooking. I discovered cooking through my desire to survive, since my wife didn't originally like to cook (I know what you are thinking….another male-chauvinist, asshole....screw you). Her idea of cooking was making reservations at Ruth's Chris or the local French Bistro. She loves to cook now and it's something our family enjoys doing together.

I have been involved in manufacturing and construction all my life and like putting things together, whether they are houses, toys, cars, commercial building complexes, etc. Most of those projects take weeks, months or sometimes years. I guess that is why I enjoy cooking so much. When I am cooking, I can put something together in a couple of minutes or a couple hours at the most and then go do something else. That really works great for me since I have the attention span of a hamster in heat. I enjoy nothing more than putting a recipe together, cranking up some loud tunes in the kitchen and slamming back some suds.

I hope you enjoy my book and have fun with it. Don’t get all nervous trying to follow the directions to a tee. If you burn something a little or it doesn’t turn out quite right, who gives a shit. The point is, cooking is an opportunity to get somebody liquored up and take advantage of them. Hell, you might not even eat the food. If you do the flowers, put out an excessive quantity of booze, set the table, use some weird ingredients that nobody has ever heard of before, make sure that you have some flammable liquids in the pan that make fire so you can pretend that you know what you are doing, the girls will all be talking about you. Good luck, fella’s.

-Brandon