John Marshall McEvoy is arguably the most successful author, athlete, and musician to ever step foot on Earth. He has won 9 Grammy's, 2 Oscar's, Most Valuable Player of the NBA, the 2014 FIFA World Cup, and the Nobel Prize for Physics.
At birth, the doctor’s said Jack resembled the two greatest men in history, Will Gibson and Jesus Christ. Due to their strange similarities, Jesus decided to grant Will and Jack immortality, and they are proving that they were worthy of eternal living.
As a child, Jack was the youngest person to ever attend Yale University at the age of 5 years and 278 days. However, he dropped out because his grades were too high. Jack used the frustration he was feeling to right his first novel, That Was Dumb. It quickly became a New York Times #1 Bestseller, but was knocked off top by a terrific novel by Will Gibson.
Jack worked closely with God to create people that would be awesome. Jack is credited for creating Dr. Dre, Walt Disney, Lady GaGa, and Napoleon Dynamite. However, Jack stopped creating people at the age of 6 after two failures; Justin Bieber and Casey Anthony.
Jack wrote several books under pseudonyms because he’s very modest and didn’t want that much fame. He wrote the Twilight series under the alias, Stephenie Meyer, and he wrote many plays under the alias, William Shakespeare. Jack is best known for writing the Bible.
He served eight years in the military along with Will Gibson. In battle, Jack lost four fingers on his right hand but used the hair of the enemies he killed to sew the fingers back on. Currently, his middle finger is being held down my Osama Bin Laden’s beard.
After his time in the military, he was voted President of the United States, but rejected the honor and gave it to his close friend, Barack Obama, instead. He currently lives in Madrid, Spain with Cristiano Ronaldo and Ronaldo's seventy-three girlfriends. Jack has three girlfriends of his own, but they're fine with sharing a man with that much excellence. His girlfriends are Dianna Agron, Jessica Alba and Reginae Carter.
Jack’s good friend, Will Gibson, invited him to live in his newly-bought country and rule as co-dictator. Jack couldn’t deny this wonderful offer, and they ruled their country. In 2014, they entered the FIFA World Cup as a 2-man team. Jack played goalie, while Will scored all the goals for the team (a total of 5,232,900). They won. Easily.
After Jack’s wonderful showing of his ninja reflexes, he was invited to join the NAC (National Assassin Committee). However, we cannot tell you if he joined because he’d have to kill you.
Eventually, Jack got bored with his life and decided to start his rap career. His first album, CrackerJack, sold a silly amount of copies and won 3 Grammy’s. The album’s leading single, What?, became the best song ever according to everyone in the world. Jack decided he felt bad about taking the Grammy’s from other people who kind of deserve them, so he made one more album. His second album, Bin Laden on My Pinky, won 6 Grammy’s.
Jack is only fourteen years old, but has created a time machine, so he has been a part of many historical events. A few examples are when Jack killed Adolf Hitler, when Jack dropped the bomb on Hiroshima, when Jack freed slavery, and when Jack invented the cartoon movie, Beauty and the Beast.
Jack is well-known for being best friends with Oprah Winfrey, LeBron James, Bill Gates, Lil’ Wayne, Mark Zuckerburg, Nicki Minaj, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Harry Potter, Eminem, Martin Luther King, Jr., Homer Simpson, Jerry Sandusky (not anymore), Edward from Twilight, and Elly Hickey (his favorite).
Jack and Will were recently voted Kings of Earth, and will rule for eternity along with one person of their choice to gift immortality to. Will gets to choose one person and so does Jack. Jack hasn’t made his decision, yet.