Poetry to help understand the feelings of trauma clause by sexual, physical and mental childhood abuse. Finding one's self in all the mess they have left us to sort through. Connecting to others through poetry so we don't feel so alone in the journey to regain ourselves.
Born in Philadelphia in 1964 in a family of 7 children, mother and stepfather. Raised within the catholic church starting at the age of 11 after one of my siblings died. I have been lucky to manage a successful career in real estate and have been married for 33 years to an incredibly supportive man. This is my third book of poems with the first one being Because of One Little Red Heart. From the time I was small, it was predicted that I was destined for failure. My family did not believe in education or even showing small acts of kindness or any love. My childhood years were empty with no real strong bonds or support. There was always a lack of food and a home in a state of filth and abuse. The children in my parents’ house had to fend for themselves just like me. Love has always been a struggle to feel due to the years of abuse both sexual and physical in my life. I still struggle every day with the acceptance of dissociative identity disorder brought on from early and ongoing childhood trauma. The feeling of what time is, or really should feel like has been a real puzzle to me, as days can feel amazingly fast while being absent or painfully long as time feels like it freezes, leaving me unable to move, as I relive the events of the abuse all over again. I watch the world moving and most days cannot feel a part of it. I began to write one poem, then another in hope that I can find a connection to love, time, others, and myself. Encouraged by the one person who knows me better than anyone ever has, I decided to share these poems. He started to send me a simple emoji heart on the days that I most struggled with, along with these words "Stay with me, I love you". Those words six words, though simple continue to help me through the most impossible day and feelings and was the reason why I wrote these poems. I have only just started to believe that real love is possible and to truly feel trust in my life. My wish for those struggling with similar challenges is to also hear those words of support and feel that one Little Red Heart full of love that everyone deserves to have and to truly feel the moments of time we are given. Every day I continue to fight to find what is real and to put the pieces of me that were broken back together. Most days just feel impossible to understand the trials of my childhood, but I feel lucky I have someone to help.