The author is not a professional, nor is his advice meant to be taken seriously. This book is not only intended for comedic purposes, but to assist in ensuring your kid doesn't grow up to be a dick. The author has two kids that will not grow up to be dicks because they were raised the proper way; with love, rules, freedom to an extent, choices to an extent, a fun environment, family, friends, good memories, safety, security, comfort, food, water, warm home, water closets, and two parents with a fantastic sense of humor and the will to witness their children succeed in life without being a dick.

All negative comments and horse-shit claims are to be filed in your local dumpster. Happy reading!